


All Burned Out

by lees



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Based On Chapter 82, I mean, Kinda, M/M, Platonic Relationship, Spoilers, There's No Direct Statement Of Their Feelings, also please excuse the title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 11:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lees/pseuds/lees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, none of our lives really matter. Only he can be the one to set us free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Burned Out

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short oneshot based on Chapter 82 of the SnK manga. So there's spoilers, kinda. I don't really know what to say about it, so I apologise for the vagueness. I just wanted to write something for Armin. Anyways... enjoy!

I am dying.

That is the only thought going through my head, and the irony of it makes me want to laugh. They all trusted me: trusted my intelligence, my ability to think rationally when all else was going to hell. But now I'm going to hell, and that is all there is to it. Because I've failed. I'll never get to see what's beyond these walls, and the only world I'll ever know is one where my friends are suffering and my comrades are dead.

The excruciating agony is nearly unbearable, yet I endure it.  
If these are my final moments on earth, then I want to make them worth something. The longer I cling on to Bertolt's battered form, the scorching steam he emits burning through my body, the more time Eren has to defeat him. _For Eren._ I am dying for Eren. I am dying for Eren and I would not have it any other way.

Many things flash through my mind at once. My parents, who died trying to escape to the outside world. My grandfather, who was sent out to be slaughtered under the guise of fighting for freedom. They were the first people to instill within me a purpose, fuelling my desire to discover what we were being kept from seeing out there.

Reiner and Bertolt. People I trusted, and people who betrayed not just me, but humankind. I remember back to those days of training, where the two of them helped us to master the manoeuvre gear. Reiner saved my life once. Something that would never have had to happen, if it weren't for the hatred in his centre. I remember Annie. Annie, who's smile lit something within me, and the joy I felt when she'd talk to me like she'd talk to nobody else. I don't think she opened up to anyone more than myself. But that means nothing now. She betrayed us, too.

Marco. He didn't deserve what he got. I think back to the hours we spent talking to one another, contemplating life, sharing our ideas and thoughts on what was to come in the future. He wanted to join the Military Police. That was the decision he and Jean had made, but things don't always work out the way you plan. Jean. He'd shown promise in me. Just mere hours ago, he was there, saying that he believed in me, that we could get through this and win. I'll never see him again.

He's a good person.

I'm not.

I killed somebody.

There could have been another way. I didn't have to kill her. But when she'd pointed her gun at Jean, menace dark in her eyes, I'd seen no other option. I'd pulled the trigger. Her blood painted the cart a tasteful red. My hands are stained crimson. Even after Levi had reassured me I'd done the right thing, I could not quash the self-hatred and disgust trying to claw it's way out of my chest. I'm a murderer.

And I'm paying for my sins.

All these thoughts flash through my mind in the space of a few seconds, but it's feels like ages. My skin is melting, and the stench of burning flesh hangs heavy in the air. I hang on. Because I will see the ocean. Eren is going to live. He is going to see it for me. I must hang on for him.

There are good people in my life. People who deserve to live. Mikasa, who gave me hope when all else was lost. I remember staring into the last blade I had on my person, ready to use the titan-killing weapon to end my own life. And I remember when she took it from my hand, and vowed to never leave me by myself. All those times she proved to me that I was worth something, that I'm not a burden to those around me. I'll never be able to thank her enough. If anything, she must live. She can't without Eren. And therefore, Eren has to live, too.

Eren. For as long as I can remember, he's been there for me. The way he'd suffer the hateful wrath of those who criticised me for my dreams. The way he'd listen so intently to my stupid rants of wanting to see the ocean, and the happiness I felt within whenever he seemed eager to assist me. He's always cared for me, even when I never knew it. When he stopped talking about the Survey Corps, I'd thought he'd finally given up on his dreams. But it was all to protect me. He didn't want to see me hurt.

He risked his life for me. Pulling me from the gaping maw of death, promising that one day, we'd be free. We'll see the ocean. Together. And I had believed him. Then he was eaten before my eyes, and I'd lost all hope. Somehow, though, I knew. His determination was one of a kind. He wouldn't die so easily.

We've gone through everything together. And after all he's done for me, I owe him one last thing. I owe him my life.

_Eren,_ I think, and suddenly, the pain is not so stifling, and everything is fading. _You're going to see the ocean. See it for me. Escape these walls. Reach the freedom you've been wanting since birth. Don't let my death stop you; let it carry you forwards. I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this because I want you to be happy._

Finally, my fingers are slipping from the grappling hooks, and my body is falling through the air, and at this point, I cannot register the pain. All I can see are his eyes, burning with the desire for freedom, and all I can hear are his words, telling me that we're getting through this, we're going to make it out there, we're going to escape. And as I slip away into unconsciousness, I am grateful that I could do this one last thing for the boy who's saved my life over and over again.

I dream of blue skies and endless seas.

 


End file.
